ADVENT 1

‘I have been giving this some thought aged guv.’

The lad has been quiet for quite some time, and noticing this, I’ve continued to puzzle over a sentence that’s failed to scan, from a new song.  

‘What’s that old fruit?’

‘I was saying ancient relic, I think I’ve worked out the answer to a bit of a poser.’

‘Ancient relic? Ancient relic?’

‘Yes guv?’

‘You’re calling me an ancient relic?’

‘If the beret fits, pop it on yer napper and wear it with pride…..and so forth.’

Frankly I have know idea where Bingo gets these ‘endearments’ from.  Still, he gives me a winsome smile and I choose not to pursue the subject.

‘The thing is, I’ve given this particular thought some real…um….er..’

‘Thought?’

‘Definitely, guv, and it occurs to me, we should settle down and write a suitably apt tara-diddle for the coming season.’

‘I see.’

‘Well I reckon as a hound, I could come up with a few choice verses that will cheer the winter season, and possibly bring a tear to the eye.’

‘A tear to the eye sounds about right Bing.’

He fails to hear the irony in my voice and presses on.

‘Got a bit of paper handy guv?’

I grab the trusty A4 pad a pencil and, secretary like, await the pearls from the ‘bard.’

‘Now let me see……..

‘If…….you……don’t behave’ee,
you wont get gravy
on your Christmas pud! (Ruff – bark - woof!)

‘If…..you….don’t cut the mustard
You’ll get no custard
On your Christmas pud! (Growl – wiffle – huff!)

Your ears will sag,
And your tail wont wag
There’ll be no such treats for you-oo
If you misbehaves, on Christmas days
and so forth and such this yeeeear!’

The room falls silent, and I’m left wondering if the world is ready for this - yet.

Bing settles back on a couch and awaits my judgement.

‘Well, um….it’s….er…..different?’

‘It is guv, yes that’s it, there is no doubt about it, it’s different. AND dare I say, a cut above "doggies in the window, woof-woof," and so forth.’

‘Quite, quite.’

His chin rests on the arm of the couch, and air of nonchalance upon his brow.

‘I think if you give it a suitably interesting intro, followed by a bit of vamping………’

(Here I should point out that the lad had recently been listening to Sinatra, Live at the Sands.)

I start vamping on the piano…..

He’s off the couch and wagging his tail.

‘Hello LOWTOWN!…………………

‘If…….you……don’t behave’ee,
you wont get gravy
on your Christmas pud! (Ruff – bark - woof!)

‘If…..you….don’t cut the mustard
You’ll get no custard
On your Christmas pud! (Growl – wiffle – huff!)
'Your ears will sag,
And your tail wont wag
There’ll be no such treats for you-oo
If you misbehaves, on Christmas days
and so forth and such this yeeeear!’

The lad exits stage right………
　

Frankly folks....................what more can be said?

(And this is only the begining of Advent!!!!)