'Calm sea and preposterous voyage......'

The piano is building as I reach the last verse….

‘The bells they sound on Bredon
And still the steeples hum
Come all to church good people
Oh…..noisy bells be dumb!
I……..hear…………. you
I…..will…..come……….’

(The last chord gently fades……)

‘Cor there won’t be a dry eye in the kennel after that guv.’

‘I think you mean house Bing.’

‘Whatever.’

I’ve been trundling through a few tunes, an exercise in the hope I can maintain a bit of lung function.  In truth other exercises such as attempting 20 lengths of the local pool would actually result in a gentle gravitational spiral to the bottom of the deep end.

I must own, I never was a ‘Buster Crabb’ or ‘Johnny Weissmuller’ and definitely not an Esther Williams!!’  My swimming is slightly more secure when attempted as a stately backstroke in a favourite sun drenched pool – and certainly, far from any possible whalers!

In front of me I spot some lyrics….but of what?

In vain I pat the top of my head, hoping my specs are resting up there.

The thought of the inevitable glasses search rests heavily upon me.

A gloom descends……and….. I decide to ‘launch’ into the crash bang introduction of…. ‘Til Havs!’
Bingo rushes past, making a hasty retreat to the study,
and calls over his shoulder -

‘I’m off to batten down the hatches captain, and make sure the deck don’t get pooped!’

The notes crash out, and off I go in……uncertain Swedish!

From the hall I hear….

‘Squeaky ball overboard guv!’

I can’t be stopped, the surge of the waves and the wind is driving me on, on with the outgoing tide Ha - ha - HA!

‘We’re shipping water guv and the mainstay has sheared off the thinga-me-doodle and jibbed the flipperty-wotsit!’

Finally………………..the storm passes and having given a final resounding ‘Til HAVS!’ I drop anchor and decide a tot of rum (well Pinot Noir) will slide down rather nicely.

I see Bingo peering in from the gloom of the hallway.

‘Stack me guv, that was better out than in!’

‘Well you know Bing, every now and then one just has to…..?’

‘Let it out?

‘Yes Bing.’

‘M’mmm.’

‘You sound unconvinced.’

‘Well old poop, it’s like this…you know when every now and then you wonder why I suddenly go bonkers, and tear around chasing here, there and ups-a-daisy?’

‘Yes?’

‘Well it’s just me having a quick ‘Til Havs’ moment guv.

‘Fair enough Bing, fair enough…………. fancy a snack?’

‘Always fancy a snack guv, yes definitely always up for that!

‘Ships biscuits it be me lad!’

‘Crumbs guv, you’re not going to get all nautical are you?’

‘Well I might give you my Charles Laughton as Captain Bligh.’

‘Who and who?’

‘My Charles Laugh……….never mind Bing, there’s only a few who’d remember that particular Mutiny on the Bounty.’

‘Bounty….m’mmmm’

‘Bing, I’m not talking coconut bars.’

‘Really guv?….

……well I most certainly am!!’