A low growl, a nozzle quiver and back foot ‘Thumper’ kick. 

Bing is over for the day, and having exhausted himself with some snooker viewing, he is having a quick nap before the latest round of ski jumping.

Being the great observer I am, I’m…um… observing him in repose. 

Here he is then, lying on his chosen settee, and out, like the proverbial light!

Let’s begin with his tail, which occasionally flicks, before breaking into a full wag.  Next, the rear legs.  Being the French hound he is, his ‘kippers’ are remarkably structured, with large paws designed to pad their way through the marshy region in the Vendée.  Well, in truth his ancestor’s came from here, he actually comes from the mysterious land of roundabouts, known as Milton Keynes. 

Thus, we reach his front paws.  These suddenly appear to be doing a doggy paddle type action.  It is however, arriving at his noble brow, that we notice the wobble of eyebrows and furrowing of forehead.  Naturally the ‘hooter’ is his most important organ, and it twitches in unison with oscillating nostrils as, within his dream, he searches the scent of greatest importance!

Here then is the lad dozing………………






‘WOOF!’

‘Um…er…what…what? Oh it’s you Bing.’

‘It is indeed oh snoozing poop!’

‘What, what?’

‘Cor I don’t know guv, you were miles away.’

‘Ah well I was just, um resting the old eyes……and such.’

‘Resting? Resting guv, they were slammed shut!’

‘I think you exaggerate.’

‘Sorry guv, but an old poop having a nap is quite sight to behold.’

‘Really?’

‘Certainly gaffer, certainly.’

‘M’mmm.’

‘Your old plates jibber now and then, and you have a habit of drumming the armchair arms with your fingers, as if you’re playing the piano or somesuch-thingy-wotsit.’

‘I see.’

‘As for your old noddle?  Well I’ve never seen such activity.   Your upper lip seems to buzz now and then, whilst your old hooter will suddenly snort as you awaken momentarily before recommencing your snooze.’

‘Oh Bing I do believe you are as usual, exaggerating.’

‘Please yourself guv, makes no odds to me.’

‘M’mmmm.’

‘All I can say oh great buddha of the armchair, is that you appear to be more active in your dreams than awake!’

‘Charming.’

‘Merely an observation guv.’

‘M’mmm.’

‘Talking of m’mmm……how about a snack and such?’

‘Well…….’

‘Come on guv stir your stumps, let’s trundle off to the kitchen and stoke up, before those chap’s start leaping off that slide.’