I feel there is a certain amount of cynicism in these words, as up to now I've been snoozing on the couch, with the sound of a tennis ball being thumped back and forth on one of the courts at whichever WTA event is currently being televised.
A nose prods my knee and I feebly open one eye to regard my questioner.
‘Oh hello old poop, are you back with us?’
‘I was never away Bing.’
His eyes widen and I’m regarded as one in the dock, under sentence from a judge who has but one aim, and that is to remind me that I am actually still under oath…..
‘I, I, um well….I.’
‘Guv it matters not that you had a brief nap. I myself, bored with the palaver of sitting between games and drinking stuff and noshing banana’s or something, popped into the garden and did a tour around, just in case those blooming black and white flappers were back.
‘Magpies?’
‘Very likely.’
‘And were they?’
‘Briefly, but I gave ‘em a thoroughly good howl ‘n bark and they’ve popped off to number 3 for a while.’
‘Jolly good.’
‘So old poop, are you up for a trundle or what?’
I look at the face before me, one that has barely changed with the years. The eyes as bright and as eager as ever, a 'hooter' that misses very little, all this part of the Bing head which in turn, is attached to a body as lean and fit as ever it could be.
‘Well….um….’
‘Look we both know you’re not up for a trundle, and would prefer to study the inside of your eyelids.’
‘Oh I say.’
‘That’s okay guv, but I know you like to do a bit of weeding and trimming and such, and just wondered if you fancied some fresh air out the back?’
The tennis is not improving, and frankly the yells from each of the ladies as they ‘thwak’ the ball back and forth is quite enough for the moment.
‘That sounds a mighty fine offer, but….’
‘Oh please, but be no buts guv, pa-leeeeze!’
‘I was merely suggesting we got a drink and snacks…..’
‘O’oooo a pickernick in the garden….luvverly.’
I think, the lad is being enthusiastic, as nosh is a very serious subject for hounds….and Bing in particular.
‘Do you know Bing, rather than a snack….’
‘Or two guv…or two.’
‘Quite, quite. I do believe I might be able to find the TREATS if I look hard enough.
‘They’re in the middle cupboard behind a bag of walnut’s and in front of the ‘Denta-stick’s’ which as we all know, I only have after dinner….when I finally manage to nudge either you or Alison in the right direction.’
‘M’mmmm…..are you sure?’
‘Guv your old conk ain’t worth a light, next to this ‘ere hooter!’
The famous 'hooter' is wrinkled in my direction.
‘Charming.’
Shortly after, (YES, they were behind the walnut’s etc,etc.,) we are happily seated outside, nosh being chomped and drinks being slurped……..and so forth.
‘Hello, hello them there black and white flappers are just back….hold on to your hat guv.’
We, (by that I include many of our neighbour's!) are treated to such a howling and a barking and general growls and ge-roff-ou-tof-its, that send the flappers well down the road, this time to number 21!
Peace returned to number 67….and many of our neighbours!
‘He’s back guv.’
‘What, one of the Magpies?’
‘No, old redchest.’
Ah Robin, he knows I’m about to start weeding and such.
‘Clever ol’ chap.’
‘Just a keen gardener Bing, just a keen gardener.’
‘Puts you to shame eh?’
‘Probably Bing, but just remember he’ll never sort out a snack or three for you.’
These words are lost, Bing is off over to a raised flowerbed and having a jolly good sniff! I know this because about a minute later there is such a sneezing over there, this, sends our Robin over to me to see how I’m doing!
Plenty to do before another snack and tea.
It suddenly occurs to me - Summer is nearly over, but this means very little to Bing….how I wish I could feel the same.
Let’s hope there’s another…sooner rather than later.
'Of course there will........ you old poop!'
Thank you from down under Down Under :)
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