The Descent of Man.........and Ladies!

Somewhere, back in the annals (of Bingo) I seem to recall mentioning that, if he were Sherlock Holmes, the lad, when pondering, instead of being a two pipe solution chap, would be a couple or three largish Bonio’s sort of fellow.

I mention this because the other morning, after the usual excited greetings and trundle about the garden, inspecting any new scents, the boy returned to the comfort of a couch. Here he became engrossed in a succession of young ladies hurtling down a twisting, turning icy run, on what appeared to be little more than a small tray!

The lad turned to me and said….

‘Good grief old codger, can you believe what they’re up to?’

I had to admit I couldn’t, and we lapsed into silence as another competitor whizzed off at high speed, careering around banked bends, and clattering, on several occasions, into the icy walls of the run!

On completion, the eager new ‘convert’ turned to me…

‘It’s so fast guv, I cant see what they’re chasing!’

‘Chasing Bing?’

‘Quite old poop.’

‘I don’t believe they’re chasing anything dear lad, just seeing who can hurtle down the track fastest.’

‘Really Guv?’ 

The surprise in his voice was quite something, and I could tell he was perplexed.

‘Why? Oh ancient and wheezing huff and puff, would they choose to beetle down such a track without having something to chase?’

‘I guess Bing because it’s there.’

He went silent, and I could tell we were indeed in the middle of a couple or three largish Bonio contemplative moments!

Finally, he looked at me and wrinkled his hooter a little.

‘Guv, I will never understand you chaps.’

‘Really?’

‘Really old bean.  It has guv, been remarked upon in this and other households, that chaps like me engage in the practice of bounding, pouncing and bouncing here there and ups-a-daisy, for no apparent reason….and yet guv….and YET, here we appear to have, seemingly sensible young ladies, choosing to slide with extreme gusto down a deadly slippery slope on a tea tray, AND not in pursuit of anything other than time!’

I of course answered sensibly.

‘U’mmmm.’

‘U’mmmm indeed!’

I naturally attempted an explanation. (Will I never learn?)

‘Well….you see Bing…er, when some folk find themselves in snowy surroundings, and, when hurtling down hills with a couple of planks tied to their feet, begins to pawl….they look for other ways in which to negotiate the pull of gravity!  This can be, by the construction of very slippery slopes, banking snow and designing conveyances to achieve a suitably exciting thrill.’

It was the lads turn to ‘U’mmm.’

Fortunately the lads eyes hadn’t started to glaze over, which is frequently the case when I try to explain puzzling matters to him.

He rested his chin on a paw and continued.

‘In short oh wizened one, you’re saying it’s quite okay for folk to practise such apparently ridiculous perambulations, but chaps like me will be commented upon, if we should take it into our heads to gambol and leap when rejoicing with the scents and delights of the moment?’

(Come on H-T for goodness sake don’t say um…er!)

‘Um….er……’

(Blast it I did!)

The lad, Perry Mason like, rested his case and suggested it was snack time.

Just between you me and anyone else…I think I’ll try to avoid the TV channels currently showing any outrageous snowboarding events ….not for Bings sake….

but my own!