Abridge too far!

Ahead is the wide expanse of grass, which means today we are wandering around the open spaces of South Lowtown. This place is not for the agoraphobic. Of course such worries are alien to the chap trundling up ahead, and the breeze is ruffling his earflaps as he tests the scents that are apparently all around us.

Such extra-sensory ability is lost on me, and frankly, thank goodness for that!   We all have favourite smells, but the hound of course is open to all ‘pongs’ and it is rare for the lad to look horrified by any of ‘em. I say again, thank goodness I don’t have such a ‘gift.’

We have ventured over here today because the boy Bing felt it was time we had a stroll over the fields, particularly as the weather was particularly favourable. For me (and I suspect the lad) the forest is favourite, as there, each turn in our path can bring something of sudden interest.   Out here in the wide open spaces, one can see a great distance, in fact if we stroll on to some slightly higher ground we are able to see in the distance, some of the tall buildings, sky-scraping in the revitalised Docklands and the City beyond.

None of this is of interest to Bing, our occasional meetings with other strollers is quite enough for him. Tails are wagged etc., and then after a brief chat, we are on our various ways once again.

We have reached the River Roding, which quietly ambles down to the Thames. There’s been quite a bit of bank erosion over the last winter and spring, so care must be taken when wandering beside it. A small bridge is before us, which crosses over to the land beyond. We’re about to take a stroll across when Bing hugs the ground as if the earth is quaking!

‘Bing, I don’t think there are any Trolls waiting to gobble us up if we cross.’

The lad edges towards the bank side and the ‘hooter’ is operating ovetime!

‘Crumbs guv there’s quite some honk coming from under the bridge.’

I gingerly peer over the edge, and can see nothing……

‘Can’t see anything Bing.’

‘Extend some lead guv, I’m going down.’

‘Bing I really don’t think this is a good idea.’

The bank here is not sheer, and gradually he gently sidles down slightly below the bridge.

‘I can see you….come on, out you come.’

The lad engages his reverse gear and slowly, tail first he reappears.

‘There you are guv.’

I’m left looking at the remains of what once must have been a cricket ball. Much of the leather has seen better days, and frankly its seam will never be made to dart one way or the other ever again.

Having ‘retrieved’ this item the boy has absolutely lost all interest in it, and is for trundling back towards the tennis courts near the slide and swings.

‘I think I’ll leave this here just in case the local cricket team are searching for it.’

‘Whatever guv.’

We wander on in silence, and I manage to keep a hold on my curiosity for at least 3 or 4 minutes.

‘Bing?’

‘M’mmm?’

The lad is investigating some cow parsley.

‘Was it absolutely imperative for you to discover that old cricket ball?’

‘Oh yes, absolutely guv.’

‘Extraordinary.’

The lad sits and gives me his full attention.

‘What’s extraordinary to me old poop, is that you had no idea it was there!’

‘I see.’

‘I mean to say, the pong coming off damp leather is mighty potent.’

‘Really?’

He appears to shake his head, with just a hint of exasperation, peers suspiciously at a passing buzzer and then continues…..

‘You know when you open a new pack of coffee?’

‘Oh yes that’s marvellous.’

‘Well after that moment guv, you don’t particularly make a fuss when you next return to that packet. No, not until you open a new packet again.’

‘Y-yess?’

‘A chap like me, who’s been give this remarkable hooter continually receives varying degrees of pong, and if he cant see where it comes from, it becomes imperative for the mystery to be solved. Having discovered it, if it ain’t noshable, my interest in the honk is generally finished.’

‘Ah I see.’

‘Jolly good guv, another mystery solved eh?’

‘Yes indeed Bing.’

‘Right well while we’re on the subject of mysteries guv….’

‘Yes?’

‘The biggest mystery of the day so far is why a treat or three hasn’t come my way?’

‘Treat?’

‘Yes.’

‘Or three?’

‘Indubitably old poop!’

‘Indubit…tab…bubububly?’

I of course fumble in my pockets….

‘There you are guv….you know it makes sense.’

‘Certainly Bing, certainly!’

His tail wags and nosh is had.