'I've been giving this a great deal of thought guv....'

'Really?'

 'Well it occurred to me a moment ago, but I reckon I've thought it before, because it seems sort of familiar.'

'I see.'

'The thing is old poop, do you have an invisible pal?'

'Invisible pal? I'm afraid you've lost me there Bing.'

'Really? You see I’ve noticed you regularly seem to mutter away, and I can only think you must be talking to a party or parties unknown.'

Yet again the lad astounds me with these sudden phrases.....clearly he's watching too many 'Midsummer-cum-Morse-cum-Taggart-cum....well you get the idea.

'Are you sure?'

'Indubitably, old cough drop.'

I really ought to limit his telly watching when at 'Lyons.' for the day.

'Well IF, as you say, I do happen to mutter, I'm merely making a comment to myself.'

'A sort of verbal aide-memoire guv?'

Perhaps I ought to suggest to Tom and Angela that he really is even more impressionable than we all thought?

'Bingo.'

'Yes guv?'

I am faced with the clear unblinking gaze of the lad, to whom we humans must be something of a mystery.

'Well the thing is....'

'Yes guv?'

'It just becomes a sort of habit.'

'Habit?'

'Yes...you know when you do something without thinking, instinctively.'

'I see.....I think.'

'Well Bing as you get older I'm sure you'll become just as big a mutterer as me.'

'Lummy.'

'Lummy indeed Bing.'

'Frankly guv, I find that very hard to believe!'

I leave the lad looking a tad puzzled.

I seem to have relocated to the hall and find myself suddenly unsure of why I’m here.

‘M'mmm....Now what was it I was about to do?’

'See you're doing it again guv!'

I jump out of my reverie, and observe the lad grinning up at me.

‘Ah yes well….um….er…..’ 

 

‘I rest my case m’lud!’

‘Okay Rumpole, you’ve made your point.’

‘Rum-who?’

‘You know jolly well who young lad.’

‘I’m sure I’ve never set eyes on the old cove, and that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but……er….’

‘The truth?’

‘Well….okay guv, it’s fair cop.’

‘Time for a snack?’

‘Or three guv?’

‘M’mmm.’