‘I have been giving this some considerable thought guv, and I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.’
That sentence is just the sort of thing that can change a delightfully easy mood, to one of confusion. Frankly, one never quite knows what the lad is going to bowl at you. One minute you are blissfully unaware of what is about to happen, and then one reacts like Mike Gatting, failing to deal with ‘that’ first ball from Shane Warne!
‘I have been giving this some considerable thought guv, and I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.’
Blast it’s true, the lad has just trundled in off a short run and………‘I have been giving this some considerable thought guv, and I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.’…..nearly bowled me around my legs.
(C’mon H-T, pull yourself together, look nonchalant and buy time with another sip of tea……..look thoughtful and so forth.)
The figure before me is sitting very neatly, with clear brow, alert eyes and awaiting my full attention.
(What a time to run out of tea!)
‘Um….er….right Bing, what can I do for you?’
‘Well it’s like this oh fount of all knowledge.’
(Blimey this is gonna be a corker.)
The lad takes a deep breath.
‘You know the other day we became immersed in the world of poli-tricks, and other matters of long ago, because you chose to keep those historic articles, thus causing this chap before you much confusion and so forth?’
(I knew he wasn’t going to let me forget about his wasted reading time!)
‘Um…well yes I believe I do.’
‘You know, King Linden-Hindenburg the VIII and his titanic child Attlee and such like?’
(Keep a straight face and nod wisely for goodness sake!)
‘Ah, yes I seem to believe such matters were …um…er ….broached.’
‘I don’t know about any badges guv, let’s keep to the facts as we know ‘em right?’
‘Oh right, yes….quite….um….quite, quite.’
‘Well o’ Sage who knows his onions, perhaps you could bring me up to date with recent political events concerning the various contesting parties….such as the Scottish Rational’s, U-kipper’s, Conservatories, Liberal Decimates, Labrador and Clyde Comfy?’
Nearly exploding, I leapt from my chair and managed to mutter……
‘Tea, this requires much tea Bing.’
‘And snacks I hope?’
‘Oh yes Bing, definitely snacks.’
I’m never quite sure how he manages it, but even when I get a decent head start, by the time the kitchen is reached, there will be Bing sitting patiently next to the ‘General Snack’ tin. This he pointedly sniffs at as I pass…just in case I’ve forgotten its whereabouts.
Fresh tea is brewed, and armed with two snacks for the lad (he has another while tea is prepared.) I return to the study, and am hoping….nay praying, that suitable explanations will tumble into my brain!
‘Right, now where were we?’
‘We? We guv?? You old codger, was about to enlighten this here hound as to the recent goings on, with regard to any possible important issues, that a chap like me might have to deal with.’
‘Ah I see.’
‘Do you guv, do you?’
‘Well yes of course.’
‘And?’
‘And Bing?’
‘Well naturally Guv, and is the word of the moment.’
‘Ah, yes….well………..’
(Golly, he’s wrinkling his nose, and peering at me quizzically.)
‘The thing is………’
‘Yeeeee-eeees guv.’
‘The thing is…the …..er…wonderful…um…thing is that the General election will not effect you in any shape or form.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Abso-blooming-lutely Bing.’
‘Cripes, guv, that’s really good news.’
‘As Harold Macmillan said…you’ve never had it so good!’
‘Good old Harold, give him a snack!’
The great thing about Bing, and I guess most dogs, is that generally, what appear to be weighty matters can swiftly take wing and flit from their worlds. Brows become clear, wrinkling noses, un-wrinkle, and tails wag.
For the moment all is well and such matters are of no importance whatsoever…until the next –
‘I have been giving this some considerable thought guv, and I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.’
Until then, life around here can return to normality……………well our sort of normality.
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