" order........ORDER!! "

 

I trundled into the lounge the other day in search of Bing, and having made sure he wasn't napping under the piano, I was about to wander upstairs when I heard several low growls and a couple of ‘tut-tut’s’ coming from the study.

I’ve recently been trying to make sense of the bookcases therein, for they'd started to groan under the weight of books and suchlike.  Here I found the lad casting his eyes over an article in a newspaper. 

‘Bing, I hadn’t realized you were interested in reading?’ 

‘M’mmmm?’ 

He looked up from his perusing, wrinkled his nose and settled back down to the page before him.  I took his ‘m’mmmm?’ to be similar to the ‘shush!’ that’s delivered to anyone who might raise their voice to nearly a whisper, in the local Lowtown Library!  Being quick witted, I turned on my heel and wandered to the kitchen in search of a cuppa and toast. 

We have a shelf at low level in the kitchen on which all papers, magazines and such are placed prior to being taken to the recycling bin.  Much of its contents were now on the kitchen floor along with 2 egg cartons and 3 flyers from local eateries. I popped them back on the shelf and like ‘Polly,’ put the kettle on. 

It being a fine morning, I wandered out into the garden and delighted in the scent of freshly cut lawn's and from nearby plants and trees.  Birds whistled their songs and in the distance I could hear it was playtime at the local primary school.  Reckoning the kettle would have boiled by now, I strolled back into the kitchen and……….well blow be down - newspapers, magazines, egg boxes and flyers were back on the floor! 

‘Bing?’ 

Silence. 

‘I say Bing can you hear me?’ 

‘No.’ came the reply. 

I poured tea and buttered toast.

‘Guv are you busy?’ 

‘Well I’ve picked up the paper in the kitchen again, I believe I may have a day or two in hand.’ 

‘Jolly good ol’ wrinkle chops.’ 

Armed with tea and toast I strolled back to the study, for it was from here I believed, the lads voice had come from.

I was right. I found Bing in the one comfy armchair available, and so I sat on the chair by the desk. 

‘Now Bing what's the problem?’ 



‘Problem? Problem old poop? No problem I was just wishing to ask a few salient questions regarding matters governmental and so forth.’ 

‘Blimey.’ 

‘Quite guv, blimey indeed.’ 

I sipped my tea and braced myself for the 'world' I was about to enter. 

‘The thing is old puffer, I came across an article in this paper regarding the surprising change of government, and wondered if that would effect the chap you see before you.’ 

We have over recent weeks been bombarded with articles, programs on the box and leaflets through the door, all leading me to suppose that a general election was coming up. This however had now taken place and unless I’d got the wrong end of the stick, or parliamentary mace, I was under the impression we would still have the Blue's in power, I knew nothing of a surprising change of government. 

I glanced at the lad’s paper, and the banner headline “It’s Attlee!” 

I realized the lad had discovered a replica paper, issued about 20 years ago, as part of a historical series! 

‘Bing, I believe the paper is an old’un I discovered during my recent tidying.’

 

‘Really guv?’ 

‘Yes, you’ll be interested to know the others had news on “SS Titanic,” “The Hindenburg disaster,” “The Kidnapping of Lindburgs child” and “Edward VIII’s abdication.” 

‘Frankly old poop I think it’s jolly confusing for a chap like me.’ 

‘Well I hadn’t realized you were such an avid reader.’ 

‘I’m not usually, but as I passed the paper shelf earlier there was a mighty interesting pong emanating from it.’ 

‘I see.’ 

‘If I’d known what I know now guv, I'd have ignored the whole thing.’ 

‘I think there are a lot of folk who feel much the same about the General Election.’ 

‘General Election?’ 

‘Um…er…yes we’ve just had one.’ 

‘Really? Well no one told me.’ 

‘Frankly Bing you did well not to get dragged into the whole thing.’ 

‘Well guv that titanic disaster of the hindenburgs child leading to Edwins application, is just too much for a chaps napper to cope with and that’s a fact!’ 

He hopped down from the comfy chair and wandered off muttering about ‘wasting a chaps time and so forth.’ 

I tidied up the strewn newspaper, got interested in an advert for "excellent and thrifty tweed garment's" and "delightfully patterned woollen socks."  It was therefore some minutes later when I wandered back into the kitchen to top-up my tea........ 

There on the floor were the newspapers, magazines, flyers and only one egg box. I decided to take them out to the recycling bin. 

Later, I found Bing out in the garden, delighting in a sunny spot and surrounded by a carefully ripped-up egg box. 

‘Ah that’s where the other one went.’ 

‘Well there you are guv, all neatly trimmed for recycling.’ 

I don't know why such items receive this sort of treatment from the lad. Goats milk cartons have a similar fate. I think he believes their innards house some incredible tit-bit, and so despite constant disappointment, he continues in the hope of one day discovering the hounds ultimate nirvana. 

We wandered back into the house......

‘One last question guv.’ 

‘Only one Bing?’ 

‘Well one for the moment anyway.’ 

‘Quite.’



‘Is it true the Queen has had a baby girl?’

‘Um…the queen?’

‘Yes guv, King George’s wife.’

‘Well as it happens…..’

But I was talking to myself, the lad had gathered a fresh pong up his hooter, suddenly royal births were of little importance to a hound.  I determined to round up the rest of the ‘Historic’ issues, and have passed them on to the nation….within our recycling bin.

Normality will attempt to regain a foothold in this corner of Lowtown...........



   


Yes, well……………good luck with that!