Life from 1 - 6................and so forth.

Man (and by that I mean women as well) is a complex being. Trying to fathom their likes and also dislikes, can be quite a performance and, on occasion, disappoint or please one. (One being me…or you, if you see what I mean.) In short, despite my age and therefore assumed experience of life, dealing with my fellow ‘man’ can at times lead to unexpected complications.

On the other hand……

Dogs (and by this I’m thinking of a particular visitor to this homestead,) are by and large, taking all in all and so forth and suchlike, a much less complicated kettle of fish…or should that be kennel of dogs?

When it comes to passing an uncomplicated time with such pals it’s very much less of a strain. (Generally.)

For our canine pals, life is very much more, um…well…less difficult. They may seem to be a trial at times, but most of their day is spent dealing with the premise…..

1: Is it edible?

2: If not, move on.

Fellow idlers who’ve cast their eyes over these jottings will have noticed that the ‘lad,’ differs from many of his fellow barkers and woofers. Once one understands that he is a ‘talker’ the other most extraordinary difference is his fussiness when it comes to ‘nosh.’

ALL the other ‘tail waggers’ we’ve entertained over the years, have had healthy appetites and thus have happily ‘chomped’ their way through wide ranging varieties of grub. (Both authorized and unauthorized.)

With Bing we get….

1: Is it edible?

2: Do my taste buds find this item toothsome?

3: Might I prefer to tackle this a little later?

4: Is that elderly gent (me) eyeing it up?

5: A hiding place is required.

6: Move on.

Is it not enough that this hound looks upon me as an old huff and puff, and continually refers to me as ‘aged’ or ‘old wrinkly chops’ and other such ‘delightful’ epithets?

Goodness knows I’ve tried most particularly over the years to guide his questing ‘hooter’ for knowledge, in a way that could advance his education.

Despite my best endeavours, his view of life seems a tad askew…..or is it?

I ask this because today, conversation passed between us that once again throws my entire belief in being ‘the master’ into a thorough tailspin, leaving me not only puzzled but rather wobbly on m’old pins!

We had, as is our Friday want, settled down to a quiet session of Australian rules football, with Bing thoroughly interested in the gent that trundles between the posts and gestures most emphatically as to the type of score that’s been made.

He truly believes it’s the same person at both ends of the pitch, and somehow manages to scuttle between ends at a rate of knots, always able to anticipate which side will score next.

It’s not for the likes of an old poop to inform him of the truth, and so I happily allow him to ‘wonder’ at the speed of certain antipodean referee’s. Frankly, I think it wise to allow certain ‘mysteries’ to be maintained, even if it means I ‘up’ gents from down under, who I dare say don’t deserve it!

It was while a member of one of the teams was being treated for a nasty tumble, with the time honoured sponge of cold water, when I noticed Bing rummaging around on the couch, and on the point of totally dismantling the cushions thereon!

‘Bing!’

My companion paused in his efforts and threw a ‘yes guv?’ over his shoulder before continuing.

‘Bing what are you trying to do?’

‘You know my 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 guv?’ (See rules above.)

‘Yes, I am conversant with your rules regarding possible ‘nosh’ Bing.’

‘Well, I do believe I shall have to add a 7^th.’

‘Really Bing?’

‘Certainly guv, certainly.’

‘The seventh being?’



‘If at first you do not chew, dive and try again.’

Finally a small piece of ‘buried’ Bonio was discovered, and the lad settled once more to the ‘trundlers’ on screen.

‘One other thing guv.’

‘Not an 8 surely?’

‘Don’t be silly old poop………………’

‘Well?’

‘When’s the snooker on?’

‘Soon Bing, very soon……..’

‘Just time for a snack or three?’

‘Well….’

‘Jolly good…..I’m starving.’

‘M’mmmm.’