Talking of Ruminations and such matters.....

 

 



'Oh Bing......'

"You rang, oh keeper of the snack tin?"

 

'Just wondered...…'



 

"If this 'ere lad was in need of sustenance and so forth?"

 

 

'Well...…..'





 

"Humph...!"

'Now don't go all grumpy and growly and.....and....'

"Suchlike guv?"

 

 

'Well exactly, after all I was only concerned you were looking a bit distant.'

 

 

"Well as it happens guv I was deeply ruminating, regarding a certain new publication and it's possibilities regarding snack tin replenishment."

'Come on Bing lets take a look eh?'

 

 

 

 

 

"Coo, your such an easy touch!"

 



 

 

(I find that very hard to believe....)

 

 

 

Just in case you didn't know, the lad is back and as sharp as ever.  "The Ruminations of Bing" has it all......including the solving of BREXIT!!

 

 

 

 

‘So what’s all that about guv?’ 

It’s the time when I wander about the house winding clocks and making sure all timepieces are approximately displaying the correct time.

I’m currently standing in front of the old Grandfather Clock, and winding the time and then the chime.  Strangely, whenever I do this, I think of the number of people over nearly 200 year’s, who’ve stood before it, doing the same thing. I’m just another person charged with this duty, and I hope many more will follow.

Job done I check the date is right and move on.

‘Well Bing each one of these ‘faces’ tells us the time, which in turn, enables us to be aware of any timetable we might be running to.’

Immediately the lad rolls on his back and……..

‘Oh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha….he-he-he………’

He peers at me through his fringe and attempts to straighten his face…..

‘It’s no good guv…..ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

‘And what young lad, is so funny about that?’

‘You……….running…oh ha-ha.....that’s hilarious!’

‘By running, I mean the running order by which we may be doing things.’

It’s no use, the boy Bing has tickled himself tremendously, and I’ll just have to put up with his chuckles and sudden explosions of mirth for the moment. I wander into the lounge to deal with a marble mantle piece clock, with a pretty chime. 

I turn to find the lad, on the arm of a settee to gain sufficient height to watch my efforts.

‘So guv, that grandfather clock in the study is the oldest ticker?’

‘Yes I should think so.’

I receive a mischievous look.

‘You’re a Grand pappy too, so I guess you and he were boys together eh?’

‘Bing, that ticker is nearly 200 years old!’

‘So you were a teenager when he first appeared?’

Again he dissolves into chuckles and hisses.

I have attempted on many an occasion to instruct Bing in basic history, and to give him an idea of the time-scale of events, but let’s face it, if I get too involved he merely shrugs and says…..

‘Hey I’m a hound. It’s interesting, like a faint scent from over the fence, but I’m not going to fret over it.’

So that’s me told.

Meanwhile, I have before me a small clock I found inside a box in the garage. With a certain amount of tinkering and much tup-tupping, I finally managed to get it going. Like many objects in our home it has a mind of its own and sometimes when being wound, it decides to throw a fit and unwind its spring mighty speedily! At this point I threaten it by shouting ‘that’s it, back in the box you go!’  A short while later I of course relent, and sit at the kitchen table fiddling and muttering, until once again it ticks away merrily.

Clock duties over for another week, I’m now enjoying a particularly nice cup of coffee. A familiar hooter appears above the table top…..

‘Have we forgotten anything guv?’

I peer over the top of my specs.

‘No I don’t think so, clocks sorted, coffee made and toast on the go.’

‘Being over 200 years old guv, I understand your forgetfulness, but a certain chap has not had a treat.’

‘Or three?’

‘Quite, quite old poop!’

The sun is shining, we decide to snack alfresco………we leave the house to our assorted 'tickers.'

　

Meanwhile……….




"TIME MARCHES ON!"

Training the un-trainable.........and so forth!

‘The thing is Bing……’





‘Yes Guv?’

‘I’m not absolutely sure of the numbers, but I would certainly think they run into scores of times.’

‘Really aged sage?’

‘Oh yes definitely, up in the hundred’s I would say.’

‘Good heavens, that sound’s quite a lot even to a chap of my elk.’

‘Ilk I think you mean Bing.’

‘If you say so guv you’re the araldite one.’

‘Araldite?…….oh you mean erudite?’

‘If it means learned? Then you’re the shop for it.’

‘Well….I’m not sure about that, however,….um…er……’





‘You were saying “ the thing is” I believe ol’ poop.’

‘Was I?’

‘Indubitabubbly.’

‘Was I?  Was I indeed…m’mmm? (I stare into space….a particular trait of mine, observed by more than one teacher long ago.) 

‘Oh yes, that’s it.  As I was saying young fellow, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told you not to clamber over the furniture.  It’s surely sufficient, that you're able to snooze on either one of two couches. But making a conversion job as you do from time to time, is frowned upon.’

‘I see.’

‘But do you? Let’s face it I am not the only person to have admonished you.’

‘Well that’s certainly very true ol' Mr Gumpy.’

‘Why are you unable to observe this fairly minor rule?’





I receive a stare from the lad, not dissimilar to the one’s observed by my teacher’s long ago.

‘Well Bing?’

(I’m now starting to sound like my teacher’s of long ago.) 

‘Well oh mighty geezer and controller of the snack tin, it’s like this. When a chap like me suddenly feels in need of a ‘lights out’ moment or three, he naturally gravitates to known surfaces affording the most delightful prospect of a quick Z’zzz.’

‘And?’

‘As you know guv, it can’t be denied that, when it comes to comfy-ville, this lad before you is inclined to seek perfection.’

‘Don’t I know it.’

‘Therefore, at such moments all other considerations cease to be...............considered.’

‘Well?’

‘That’s just it, o seeker of justice and truth, a hounds well being, kicks in so to speak, and you discover me in this current predicament.’

‘As usual Bing your reasoning is interesting, but fails to take into consideration the need to observe some hard and fast rules.’

‘I see. Although I feel I ought to point out one particularly salient point.’ (Where he gets such word's from is a total mystery.)

‘That being Bing?’

‘I am a hound guv.’

‘I see.’

‘Do you oh aged poop?’

‘Well of course…..however,….’

‘Good heavens is that the time.?

‘Time, time?’

‘Certainly guv, certainly.’

‘It’s 11 o’clock Bing.’

‘Stone me and so forth…have you not popped the kettle on and such?’

‘Um…well…er…not yet.’

‘That is very unlike you I have to say.  I mean to say, an aged poop might be able to behave like a camel, but chap’s like me need their mid-morning snack.’

‘Ah.’





‘How’s your memory for snack tin finding?’

‘I’m not entirely decrepit Bing.’

But I’m talking to a wagging tail disappearing in the direction of the kitchen.

I remake the couch and wander to where the snack tin and waiting hound wait. Naturally, any hope of my little pep talk having made any sort of lasting impression on the lad was…..and why am I surprised by the? A complete waste of……





……………..time and suchlike. 

A JOB WELL DONE...........

'WELL BING I'M MIGHTY PLEASED WITH THAT, THE COMPUTER IS BACK UP AND RUNNING!'

'I ADMIRE YOUR CONFIDENCE GUV, I FEAR YOU ARE GETTING A TAD OVER EXCITED TOO SOON.'

'I'M AWARE YOU HAVE A VERY LOW OPINION OF MY COMPUTER SKILLS, BUT I HAVE BEEN MOST METICULOUS, AND AM CONFIDENT YOU WILL BE AMAZED WITH MY EFFORTS.'

'AS YOU KNOW GUV, I'M ONLY A HOUND, BUT IS THE SCREEN SUPPOSED TO ROLL EVERY TIME YOU PRESS RETURN?'

'BLAST!'

'CHEER UP OLD WHEEZER, YOU DID VERY WELL........CONSIDERING.'

'CONSIDERING WHAT BING?'

'WELL IT'S LIKE THIS GUV....'

'WHEN I PEER INTO YOUR LEFT EARHOLE, I CAN SEE THE LIGHT COMING THROUGH FROM YOUR RIGHT!'

'DON'T DESPAIR OLD POOP, SOON BE CHRISTMAS......AND SUCH.'

'HELLO, HELLO, HELLO....THAT NEW GINGER CAT IS TRUNDLING ABOUT OVER THE ROAD.'

'WOOF!'

'NOW THAT'S A REAL GIFT GUV!'

'BETTER CRACK THE SNACK TIN OPEN EH?'

CHRISTMAS 2017 IN LOWTOWN

I rather like to think at this festive time, all around our jolly old globe, where Christmas celebrations take place, such scenes of affability are being shared. In this particular case a certain hound (no names, no dog tags) and a suitably replete old poop are paying attention to a game of 'cracket' being beamed from the Antipodes and more precisely Melbourne.

One viewer (not me) is in his familiar upside down viewing position, gives a sniff as yet another batsman plays all around a ball and watches his 'castle' obey the laws of gravity, and tumble on to the 'track.'

'Coo, that was all rather odd guv.'

'Yes well, there are times when I wonder if watching such events are good for ones desire to remain merry and such.'

'Times old poop?'

I look at my viewing pal, and wonder if he's bothered by the fall of another English wicket, or whether nationality is but the making of man? I decide, now is not the time for such a chat. Crumbs the prospect of 'Brexit' may even raise its 'ghostly' head!

'By times Bing, I mean the ashes are at this very moment being neatly packed and made ready to pop in the post to the Aussies.'

The lad wrinkles his hooter of renown, and after a slight pause rests his chin on the arm rest of the couch.

'These ashes guv are they a special snack?'

'Fortunately they are not Bing.'

'So why the fuss?'

'Well, the Ashes are a trophy that passes between England and Australia when one or the other wins the test series.'

Again I wait while this new fact is filed into the noble mind in the section marked 'NON SNACKS......AND SUCH.'

'Well kindly old gent, on the subject of snacks......' 

'Yes?'

'Speaking as a non-Auntipoodlian, this here chap could manage a snack or three.'

Wandering back from the kitchen with a coffee for me and a few snacks for Bing, I'm greeted with.......

'I've given this lot a sniff and they are apparently not noshable.'

'Well, Biblically speaking Bing, I think we are some way from edible Nativities.'

'If you say so guv.'

'Oh, I do, I do, I do, I do.................I do.'

Of course folks, it has to be a special day when, well timed snacks are produced at such a moment, thus, taking a certain inquiring lads mind off matters of a seasonal and theological note.

It has of course been said before, but let us remember at this time, and from this particular corner of Epping Forest........The Only Way is Ethics.'

(And such.)

Don't you dare forget......the lad is available virtually worldwide in print and electronically thanks to the wonderful
Saronpublishers.co.uk

Loads of lovely revues on Amazon......and let's face it when it comes to snacks.....Bing is the chap......and so forth.

HAVE A SPLENDID 2018 FOLKS FROM ALL THE CROWD IN LOWTOWN!

Advent 4......and all that!

 "Have yourselves a merry little........"

‘Spill the beans aged poop! What’s all this about old Pappy Christmas and all that and so forth and suchlike?’

‘Well Bing it’s like this, every year on Christmas Eve, those that have been very good during the year…….’

A brow becomes furrowed, I continue…

‘Will more than likely receive a special present from Father Christmas.’

‘When you say very good ageing guv, what do you mean?’

I’m trying very hard not to grin, as I look at the earnest expression and slight trembling of the lower lip.

‘Well young scamp, I should think that, providing a young chap receives a pretty decent report from a certain aged poop, then the jolly old gent in red will cough up a suitable present or two.’

‘Or TWO guv?’

‘Maybe even three if the bearded wonder is particularly taken by the report received.’

‘Crumbs!’




‘Crumbs indeed.’

‘M’mmm.  So, in your considered opinion ancient fruit.  Would you think that, by and large and so forth and such like, taking all in all, and allowing for the odd slip or three, that, the lad before you, might be considered as, reasonably in line for such a beneficial coughing up of goodies?’

It’s my turn to ‘M’mmm?’  

‘After all old relic, surely he couldn’t fail to take in to account my patience, as I tow a wheezing geezer out on his constitutional?’

‘Um?’

‘I mean to say, chaps like me keep oldies like you on your toes and such.’

‘We’ll?’ 

‘AND let’s face it Tom and Angela would vouch for my exceptional behaviour at other times.’

‘Exceptional?’

‘Cor not half guv.  I don’t like to squeak my own tennis ball, but at the end of the day, frankly if I don’t - who will?’

‘Well Bing….’

‘Yes guv?’

‘I reckon you should be….. just about…….. okay.’

A tail wags furiously.

‘Hurrah! Just about is good in my book old puffer, I’ll take just about over not very likely any day of the week!’ 

(Somehow, I reckon the lad will wake on the 25th and not be too disappointed!)

To all of you out there, may we in old Lowtown, wish you.............. 
‘A very  Happy and Blessed Christmas and a Healthy New Year!’

…..and so forth and suchlike.

Meanwhile..........just in case you haven't....what about a copy of

Must be a winner eh?  £5 from Amazon........Magic!

'It's the perfect stocking filler for folks guv!'

'What about you Bing?'

'Snacks...and such.'

'Snacks?'

'Hey I'm a hound!'