Training the un-trainable.........and so forth!

‘The thing is Bing……’





‘Yes Guv?’

‘I’m not absolutely sure of the numbers, but I would certainly think they run into scores of times.’

‘Really aged sage?’

‘Oh yes definitely, up in the hundred’s I would say.’

‘Good heavens, that sound’s quite a lot even to a chap of my elk.’

‘Ilk I think you mean Bing.’

‘If you say so guv you’re the araldite one.’

‘Araldite?…….oh you mean erudite?’

‘If it means learned? Then you’re the shop for it.’

‘Well….I’m not sure about that, however,….um…er……’





‘You were saying “ the thing is” I believe ol’ poop.’

‘Was I?’

‘Indubitabubbly.’

‘Was I?  Was I indeed…m’mmm? (I stare into space….a particular trait of mine, observed by more than one teacher long ago.) 

‘Oh yes, that’s it.  As I was saying young fellow, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told you not to clamber over the furniture.  It’s surely sufficient, that you're able to snooze on either one of two couches. But making a conversion job as you do from time to time, is frowned upon.’

‘I see.’

‘But do you? Let’s face it I am not the only person to have admonished you.’

‘Well that’s certainly very true ol' Mr Gumpy.’

‘Why are you unable to observe this fairly minor rule?’





I receive a stare from the lad, not dissimilar to the one’s observed by my teacher’s long ago.

‘Well Bing?’

(I’m now starting to sound like my teacher’s of long ago.) 

‘Well oh mighty geezer and controller of the snack tin, it’s like this. When a chap like me suddenly feels in need of a ‘lights out’ moment or three, he naturally gravitates to known surfaces affording the most delightful prospect of a quick Z’zzz.’

‘And?’

‘As you know guv, it can’t be denied that, when it comes to comfy-ville, this lad before you is inclined to seek perfection.’

‘Don’t I know it.’

‘Therefore, at such moments all other considerations cease to be...............considered.’

‘Well?’

‘That’s just it, o seeker of justice and truth, a hounds well being, kicks in so to speak, and you discover me in this current predicament.’

‘As usual Bing your reasoning is interesting, but fails to take into consideration the need to observe some hard and fast rules.’

‘I see. Although I feel I ought to point out one particularly salient point.’ (Where he gets such word's from is a total mystery.)

‘That being Bing?’

‘I am a hound guv.’

‘I see.’

‘Do you oh aged poop?’

‘Well of course…..however,….’

‘Good heavens is that the time.?

‘Time, time?’

‘Certainly guv, certainly.’

‘It’s 11 o’clock Bing.’

‘Stone me and so forth…have you not popped the kettle on and such?’

‘Um…well…er…not yet.’

‘That is very unlike you I have to say.  I mean to say, an aged poop might be able to behave like a camel, but chap’s like me need their mid-morning snack.’

‘Ah.’





‘How’s your memory for snack tin finding?’

‘I’m not entirely decrepit Bing.’

But I’m talking to a wagging tail disappearing in the direction of the kitchen.

I remake the couch and wander to where the snack tin and waiting hound wait. Naturally, any hope of my little pep talk having made any sort of lasting impression on the lad was…..and why am I surprised by the? A complete waste of……





……………..time and suchlike.